Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"
Bob then replies “It’s the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."

seems apt given the events of the last few days

The best lawyer story of all time.

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation
from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way
volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research
shows that even though your annual income is over ten million
dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like
to give something back to your community through the United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research
also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness
and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh-no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled
veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support
his wife and six children?"

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut
off again. "Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's
husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a
mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another
who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry,
I had no idea. "And the lawyer says, "So. . . if I didn't give any money to
them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Cricket, Football, Golfing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

...................................................................................................

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember… over-use of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

repeat...

A couple were Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last-minute shoppers.

Walking through the shopping centre, the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset.

She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phone and then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was.

The husband in a calm voice replied: "Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get it for you...?"

His wife's eyes filled with tears of emotion and she began to cry softly and stifling a sob she whispered:"Yes, I remember that jewellery shop...".

"Well," he said, "I'm in the pub next door to it."

+1

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed ....
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about,--- 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the
stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution
after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to
go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Transcendental truth.......




This is perhaps the most profound observation I have heard in recent times:


'Life is like a penis - Simple, relaxed and hanging free... It's women who make it hard !!!'

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the bridge?



Tequila ! !

Sent from my HTC Explorer A310b using Tapatalk 2

Commonly made mistakes #11...

Eat a Snickers...

Drove past a lawn bowling green today and thought to myself, "Geez that could all be aquaponics... it's even pretty much level already"

An Aussie and a Yank aid worker are helping out at the Japan
nuclear disaster.
Yank says, "You from round here, buddy?"
"No," he replies, "New South Wales."
"What State's that in?" asks the Yank.
"Pretty much the same as this place!”