Backyard Aquaponics
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I'm pretty sure that one is already on here somewhere

I think I have read that one before too.
It's a good one though, I'm not complaining

My bad... I told it back in June in this thread... so many forums, so few brain cells.

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he
Saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been
On earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved,
Indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
Twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's Julia Gillard's clock?' asked the man.

St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'

Ah, St Peter jokes...

Mother Theresa died and appeared at the Pearly Gates. St Peter was overjoyed.

"Mother Theresa, welcome to Heaven." He waved his hands and the Heavenly Host began to sing in beautiful sounds. Angels appeared on fluffy white clouds and strummed beautiful harps in accompaniment and brilliant white souls appeared inside the gates waiting to welcome her. "It is rare we receive such a perfect soul in Heaven."

He hands her a halo to wear, shining and golden. "Make yourself at home, Heaven is your new home and all here have been dying to meet you." (sorry, couldn't help myself)

Mother Theresa heads on in to the streets of gold and her wonderful new abode.

A short time later she is back, gently tugging on St Peter's robe to get his attention.

"Mother Theresa, how is it going? Is everything OK?"

"Well," she says, "I was wandering around and it's a lovely place, and I saw Princess Di up here"

"ah" he smiles at her, "yes, I know how you feel. She wasn't exactly the true Christian type was she. But with everyone expecting to see her up here, we kinda had to let her in."

"well," says Mother Theresa, "it isn't that she is here, but I couldn't help wondering... it is just her halo is so much bigger than mine."

"Ah, Mother Theresa, says St Peter, "that's not a halo, it's a steering wheel!"

Tony Abbot walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of brandy.
Bartender lines 'em all up and the guy slams 'em one by one.
Bartender says 'Hey! What's the big occasion?'
'My first blow job!' Tony replies.
'Well then, ' the bartender says, 'the 13th's on me!'
'Don't bother', says Tony, 'If 12 shots won't get the taste of Joe Hockey's *butterflies* out of my mouth, nothing will!'

Translation for non-Australians:

tony abbot is the parliamentary opposition leader (we really only have two main candidates for our top job each election, the Liberal and Labour Party leaders)

Joe hockey is his far more charismatic and media savvy treasurer.

Edit - well he was last time I checked, these guys change their role like they change their underwear....once every 4 years

A new Safeway Supermarket just opened in Colorado Springs, Colorado. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brauts.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Blue Moon.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common

In each scenario there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time !!!

What is the difference between a pregnant woman, and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

I want the one about having a beer when trying to do something on a T-shirt!

An American comes to Australia and hires a car to go travelling around the Outback. He's out there a couple of days and hasn't seen a town for 7 hours and realises he is lost.

Up ahead on the gravel road he sees a dark spot, which quickly resoves out to being a guy walking along the road. In a huge cloud of dust he pulls up beside the guy and leans out...

"Hi there! Can you tell me which way to get to Sydney?"

The guy looks sideways at him, shuffles his feet a bit and says, "nyeh-heh-heh-nyeh... dunno!"

The Yank thinks, OMG, I've got the village idiot...

"well, how about pointing me the way to Melbourne?"

The guy looks sideways at him, shuffles his feet a bit and says, "nyeh-heh-heh-nyeh... dunno!"

"what about Broken Hill?"

The guy looks sideways at him, shuffles his feet a bit and says, "nyeh-heh-heh-nyeh... dunno!"

The Yank settles back into the car and shakes his head... "Christ," he says, "you don't know very goddam much do you?"

The guy looks sideways at him, shuffles his feet a bit and says, "nyeh-heh-heh-nyeh... Ain't lost!"

This is probably the best thread for this link.

Fox News strikes again....

http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2013/02/07/fox_news_expert_on_solar_energy_germany_gets_a_lot_more_sun_than_we_do_video.html