Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.


He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'


The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'


Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.


There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:


One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.


The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'


The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'


To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking..'

So this very wealthy man is on his death bed. Death approaches and says " Come on, it is time to go."
"Alright, let me get my stuff." The man replied
Death responded with "No, no, you don't get to take anything with you!"
"From what I understand, God is very understanding and forgiving, can you ask him if he can make an exception? After all, I worked hard for my wealth." The man asked.
"All right, I will ask." Death dissapeares for a moment than reappears saying "God has granted you your request, he said you may take one suitcase of your most prized possessions." The man proceeds to fill his unit case with gold bricks.
As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter stops the man. "Whoa, whoa, whoa there fella, you don't get to take any thing with you, you're dead!"
Death informed him of the exception that God had made. Peter said "Well, that being the case, I have got to know what is in it." The man opened the suitcase for him. "God let you fill a suitcase with your most prized possessions, and you brought pavement?"

Husband says to wife "hey, why don't we swap positions tonight"

She says " Good idea. You stand by the ironing board and I will lay on the sofa and fart"

My wife won't touch the iron. She owns mostly permanent press clothes, and I typically iron the stuff that is not!

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5.
"The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah.
"Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration and rasped ...
"They won't let me in without a f-------g tie!”

A balding, white haired man from Naples, Florida, walked into a jewellery store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000", the jeweller said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check.
I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."

On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said, "There's no money in that account!"

"I know", said the old man, "But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!!"
See... Not All Seniors Are Senile!

I'm feeding my fish 5mm pellets but can someone recommend a good drink for my fish?

A nice white wine served in a tea colored martini glass, just a touch of salt on the rim, toothpick holding a white grub and a mealworm. Best enjoyed holding a line in the fish tank with the grill warming up.

Has anybody lost a large roll of 20 dollar bills in a rubber band? Because I found the rubber band.

Sheds of Grey.





I don't know if any of you have read this book, if you haven’t, the following might give you an idea of what it is all about.




The novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled blokes.
Now a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...

Fifty Sheds Of Grey

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall... but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.


She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took her to McDonalds.


She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.


Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.


"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."


"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.


"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"


I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.


"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.


"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."


"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.


"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.


"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD