Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE...

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
6. In South Africa they didn't know what "please" meant.
7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

I give up Simo. What has 3 legs, 400 balls and funks everything?

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.


The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.


After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.


In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so
I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible
dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard'

A young Australian man move to New York, and gets a job in a firm full of other young folks. After a while, his friends notice that he never dates. They try to set him up with someone, but he refuses, again and again.

This goes on for weeks, and they finally wear him down, and he agrees to meet a young woman for dinner in a hotel restaurant. The date goes so well they get a room.

As they go in, the gentleman goes over to the window and opens it wide, grabs the lamp, and chucks it out.

The woman gasps, and asks "why did you do that?"
He mumbles something, and sits down next to her on the bed, and they start to kiss. After a few hot minutes, he jumps up, grabs a chair, and throws it out the window as well.

"What the hell are you doing?" she yells.

"Don't worry," he says, "the room is on my credit card."

She shakes her head, and goes into the bathroom to powder her nose. As she's in there, she hears a huge crash. She runs out, and sees the gentleman heaving the bed out the window.

"That's it, if you don't tell me what you're doing, I'm leaving right now!"

He starts to unbutton his shirt and says "If this is anything like f^cking kangaroos, I'm going to need all the room I can get!"

Ans: A Claymore

I thought we were doing riddles, its the only one a I know. Actually Wikipedia reckons they have 700 balls!

I thought we were doing riddles, its the only one a I know. Actually Wikipedia reckons they have 700 balls!

_________________
Simo

.......That's the delux model.......

Alight, here's a riddle...

What is it?

The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end
The end of every space

E

That reminds me of the clue to the hardest ever Times Crossword puzzle. The word was 13 letters long, and the clue was just the letter "E".

I'll let you sit and think on it for a while.

pffft, easy.

Doesnt really make sense tho...

And the answer is?

I only know cos I was told it before.
I figured I'll give someone else a go.
But that is a big clue...

"Capital letter" has 13 letters, was it a two word answer?

Nope

I'll put you out of your misery. "Senselessness". (Think about it)

We now return you to your originally scheduled programme of hilarious and perverse jokes.... and I don't mean the Government.