Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

Too True to e a joke!!

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and

walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical

treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it

out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped

instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed

and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and

snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual

counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on

request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with

gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards

would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.

Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay

$600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

A 7-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 7-year-old. "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4-year-old nods his head in approval, so the 7-year-old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast,
I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me; okay?"

"Okay," the 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7-year-old what he wants for breakfast.

"Oh, s#it mum, I don't know. I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops."

WHACK!!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up and ran upstairs, crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4-year-old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be fuc#ing Coco Pops."

Mum and her young kids were driving behind a garbage truck when a large dildo jumped out of the truck and hit the car windscreen.
Mum, thinking quickly and to hide her embarrassment said "my that was a big insect"
The young son replies "With a willy that big, I am surprised the bloody thing could fly"

This is not a "joke" it is a true event which happened to me a while back.

Imagine the scene. A typical English high street. Shops. Pubs. And a rarity, on-street-parking. (Actual location in question, joining of Russell Road and Broadway, Wimbledon. JFGI). I was walking home when I spotted a lady standing next to her car; piles of shopping bags at her feet, two young kids in tow bawling their eyes out. She was pressing the door lock release on her keyfob and it didn't seem to be working. (Silver BMW 3 series). She was pressing harder, angling at all directions at the car trying to get it to work and looking very frustrated about the whole thing.
Never one to leave a lady in distress the ensuing conversation went something like this...
"Ma'am", I said, "can I help?"
"This thing isn't working."
"May I?" I asked holding out my hand. She promptly dropped the key in my palm.
I pressed it a couple of times. She was right it didn't work.
"Ah, there are two problems here. Only one I can help you with. Firstly it appears that the battery in the key is dead. The second problem is your stupidity."
I inserted the key in the lock in the door and unlocked the car handed her back the key and walked off.

DragonC, she probably didn't know the code to turn off the alarm which came on shortly after you left ! Some cars require you to punch this into the radio area if you don't use the keyless entry device.

Ok, tried to edit my post. I was thinking that my Honda requires you to punch in a code if you use the key when it's dead. It's been so long I'm not sure anymore.

Similar experience while traveling, having to stay at hotels. In the better hotels, breakfast was served and all kinds of people came down to eat. Like the older couple that wanted to turn the channel on the TV. She walked over to the TV, picked up the remote, and proceeded to push every button on the thing. Mumbling under her breath all the while. Turns to her husband and says, "Guess the batteries are dead" and puts it back on top of the TV.
You gotta be kidding me. I walk over to the TV and push the channel button and ask her "Is this is the channel you want, cause ya know, the thing has BUTTONS, you remember BUTTONS, don't you?"
She had the grace to look down and not give me a dirty look.

What has 9 arms and sucks??

































Def Leppard

Hey Ghengis...

What's got 36 arms and 36 legs, but can can only make it halfway up a 17 rung ladder?

Fremantle Dockers

.....

What has 3 legs 400 balls and funks everything?

Says it all don't it

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See what happens if you sleep around...




It's ALWAYS the kids that suffer!!
Her name is Debra !