Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

One of my favorite jokes.

For all Lexiphiles..........


Lexiphiles, (lovers of words you know: i.e., you can tune a piano,
but you can't tuna fish or I wondered why the baseball was getting
bigger. Then it hit me etc......)


> To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
>
> When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
>
> A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
>
> When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
>
> The professor discovered that her theory of
> earthquakes was on shaky ground.
>
> The batteries were given out free of charge.
>
> A will is a dead giveaway.
>
> With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress .
>
> Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll
> show you A-flat miner.
>
> You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
>
> A boiled egg is hard to b eat.
>
> When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
>
> Police were called to a day care where a
> three-year-old was resisting a rest.
>
> Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side
> was cut off? He's all right now.
>
> If you take a laptop computer for a run you could
> jog your memory.
>
> A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
>
> In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in
> feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
>
> When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
>
> The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was
> fully recovered.
>
> He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
>
> Those who get too big for their britches will be
> exposed in the end.
>
> When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
> thought she'd dye.
>
> Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . . .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same
bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical
condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as
to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of
experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next
Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and
nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the
terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses,
prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just
when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday
sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he
could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a
killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his
Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs
to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two
helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a Bad Day?
The idiot terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the
bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better?

Great timing iammr.bill - day hasn't started too well for me, but is now better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIbkLjjl ... er&list=UL

This is funnier than watching skateboarders self sterilize!

That cat one is long, but funny.....

Love it when you here one hit the shed....

ROFLMAO.

Beyonce lost her phone so I said, "Have you tried calling it?"
She said, "No. I put it on silent."
I said, "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."

its worth the 8 minutes

Not a Joke as such...but I thought it speaks volumes of truth

If you start with a cage containing five monkeys and inside the
cage, hang a banana on a string from the top and then you place a set of
stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and
climb toward the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold
water. After a while another monkey makes an attempt with same result ...
all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another
monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it
with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the
stairs. To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the
stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new
one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer
takes part in the punishment... with enthusiasm.

Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by a fourth,
then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is
attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they
were not permitted to climb the stairs. Neither do they know why they are
participating in the beating of the newest monkey. Finally, having replaced
all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys will have ever
been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, none of the monkeys will try to
climb the stairway for the banana. Why, you ask? Because in their
minds...that is the way it has always been!

This, my friends, is how government operates and is why, from time to time,
ALL of the monkeys need to be REPLACED AT THE SAME TIME.

Waaaaay too close to the truth to laugh at that one !!!

That Gnash......Is pure fkn GENIUS! love it.

Yep. GOLD
The way of governments around the world, and big business hold the spray bottles

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL....

If you've ever had a cat, you will know just how true this is!

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left
arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger
and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently
apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,
holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws
open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.

Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat.

Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden
ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill
from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and
repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one
side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie
on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open
with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply
Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard,
and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard
door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of
scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to
cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot.

Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back
another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from
across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed
into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill
from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little sucker's front paws to rear paws with
garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table,
find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to
drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill.....

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.



That's what I like about dogs!!!

Dear Ms. Gillard,



Please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the

money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan..

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million each severance for early retirement with the

following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.

Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new Australian car.

Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -

Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy $100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....

and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme

that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to

reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back

their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances