Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Austarlian history, so Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. Australia 's smartest woman took my schoolbag."

Bahahaha Nice one

Man sitting at home







Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says:


"I love you."


She asks,


"Is that you or the beer talking?"


He replies,

"It's me............. talking to the beer."

Three women, sitting on a park bench . . . . . . minding their own business!!

Now the Australian Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister Julia Gillard's Health Care proposals:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it.

The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthetist thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in Canberra.

Well done

Hey ColinW, good jokes, but we do have this stickied thread specifically for jokes so you don't need to start a new one for each joke

Sorry.... still learning!!!

We all are Jaymie keeps us on our toes

To be politically correct







Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial

or ethnic minority so try this one:





An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an

Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a

Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a

Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian

and a South African went to a night club.







The bouncer said: "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai"

Heavenly clocks



A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates

he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'



St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks.

Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'



'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter.

The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'



'Incredible', said the man 'and whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have

moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'



'Where's Julia Gillard’s clock?' asked the man.

'Julia’s clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'

Julia Gillard - Tragedy



Julia Gillard was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Ms Gillard if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.

So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'.

A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playin' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

'Incorrect,' said Gillard. 'That would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'

'I'm afraid not',explained Gillard, 'that's what we would refer to as a great loss'.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Gillard searched the room.

'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said:

'If a plane carrying you and Mr. Rudd and Mr. Swan and Mr. Garrett was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic' exclaimed Gillard, 'and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'

'Well', said Johnny, 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a xxxxing accident either!'

A young girl goes with her daddy to the barbers while daddy gets a hair cut. She sits in a chair beside dad eating a muffin.
The barber says "Dear, you will get hair on your muffin"

The girl replies "Yes, I will get boobs too, you filthy old man"