Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big
bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide,
the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upsidedown.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite
candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Tom had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits
his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as
possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a
Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00.'

'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local
folks Thank you.'

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking.'

'Not a problem,' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with
the best of 'em.'

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna' be some
fighting' too.'

'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks
again.'

'More'n likely be some wild sex, too.'

'Now that's really not a problem,' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've
been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the
way, what should I wear?'

'Don't much matter. Just gonna' be the two of us.'

hahahahahahahahahaaaa....... I like it......

The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."

A blonde walks in to an Auto Parts store and says to the fellow behind the counter, "I need a seven hundred and ten for my car please."

The man looks at her strangely, never having heard of such a part, and says quite eloquently, "What??"

"A seven hundred and ten please, Ive lost my other one"

Not quite knowing what to do, he asks her if she could show him where it is on the car he has in the workshop. So she walks over, reaches across into the engine bay... "see, a seven hundred and ten." she says...

... pointing to the OIL cap.

Glad you thought it funny Gnash... just showed it to hubby and he didnt get it until I turned the laptop upside down
... no he's not blonde... just in case you were wondering.

so he's a crunchie? blonde on the inside, dark on the outside
have to admit, took me a little while to click

Yeah took me a minute, had to write it down on a bit of paper to double check.

never heard of that before!
... will have to remember that one for all my 'crunchie' moments

To be honest thats partly why I put the bit in about hubby... figured when he didnt get it, others might have trouble too. The original newspaper clipping in my office shows a pic of the upside down oil cap so you got it straight away.

But I really like that joke... so had to put it in as my first entry in the Joke thread!

BTW I love some of these jokes... think Ive read through the whole thing at LEAST 3 times now and still burst into giggles regularly... really pisses hubby off when he is trying to watch telly!

Ahh well.... not my fault I've got a voice like a foghorn...

710...LMAO after some think time. So this backpackers walking through the alleys of Istanbul one afternoon and he's a bit pissed off because a pickpocket stole his watch . He enters the village square and sees an old man sitting beside his donkey . He asks the old man if he knows what time it is , so the the old man leans under the donkey , cups its testes in his hand and lifts them a little...like he's weighing them.About 2.30 he replies."Thats amazing " remarks the backpacker "can you show me how you do that"? So the old man bekons him to lean under the donkey and lift its gonads high up in his hand."now lift his balls a bit higher and look underneath...there do you see it , do you see the Clocktower over there"!

An elderly Italian lived alone in New Jersey.

He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over..? I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area, but without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

The next day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie.

Prostate Exam...Thai Style.

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a
prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while
visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather
more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.


"I haven't got an erection yet " he said

"No, but I have" replied the nurse.

Last time i had a prostate test i asked for a second opinion