Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

THE CHRISTMAS LETTER

There was this fellow who worked for the Post Office whose job
it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter
came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He
thought, "Oh boy, better open this one and see what it's all about."
It read:
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100.00 in it. This was
all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is
Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that
money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and
you are my only hope. Can you please help me?"
The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the
letter all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a
few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected
$96.00, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the
day, all the workers felt the warm glow of the kind thing they had done.
Christmas came and went. A few days later another letter came
from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the
letter was opened.


It read :
"Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful
gift. By the way, there was $4 missing, which I think it must
have been stolen by those thieving p^#@#s at the Post Office."

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan Desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Fool! I do not need an over-priced Jewish tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first...then I will return and do it!"

"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am a much bigger man than that. If you go over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said........"Your brother won't let me in without a tie!"

A 2007 study
found that the average Australian walks about 900 miles a
year.

Another study found that the average Australian
drinks 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means the average Australian gets about 41
miles per gallon.
Bloody good value that!

This means that I am well above average then

yes mantis, I reckon I'm about 70mpg, not because I drink more, because I walk less

Well Nocky, when they want to use your organs they'll be able to use the term "low mileage"

I'm far less efficient - the bottle shop is about 500 metres away, and I drink a hell of alot more than I should , thus I must get horrible mpg

hmmm, 22 gallons , thats only 83 litres .....
which is about 9 cartons ....

that'd last about a few months around here
does that mean I'm above average ?

Wish you hadn't converted it to cartons Boris, now I am well above, 100ctns a year = 900lts, walk about 450km's so 2lts per km

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,
When behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping
Clappity-BUMP...
Clappity-BUMP...
Clappity-BUMP...
On his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, But all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
And,




The coffin stops!

congrats nocky..... worst joke submitted....

i can beat that.... but only if you want it pm'd...

I thought it would be appreciated, please pm it I don't beleive they're could be worse

Thanks Hippy, it was worse

hahahahaha...... Yeah that was pretty bad......

If we are on the subject of poor jokes...

What noise annoys an oyster..?






















A noisy noise annoys an oyster...