Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

OMG and they can sing..... I'm a little unsure of the song though, Solid potato salad? They must be doing it wrong, but then, they don;t need to be able to cook as well..

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar.
turns to the astonished patrons.
'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth
and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his
Mouth for one minute. I will then open his mouth
and remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this Spectacle,
Each of you will buy me a drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man then stood up on the bar,
Dropped his trousers,
And placed his Johnson and related parts in= the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth and the crowd gasped.
After a minute, The man grabbed a king brown and smacked the
crocodile hard on the top of its head.
The croc opened his mouth in pain
and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered,
And the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer
I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, =
a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A Blonde sheila timidly
Spoke up..........
'I'll try it -
Just don't hit me so hard
with the beer bottle!'

**** NEWS FLASH ......NEWS FLASH ****

Fremantle Football Club has been rocked by a drug scandal.

After investigations by the AFL Commission suggested that a Fremantle player was involved
in the use of illegal drugs, the AFL have taken a hardnosed approach to the problem and stripped
the Fremantle Football Club of ALL awards won over the past 15 years.


The AFL Commissioner was seen leaving Fremantle Oval this morning with:

• 15 participation certificates.
• 3 junior whopper with cheese value meal vouchers
• 7 chocolate frogs.

Insiders close to the club, state that the club is devastated.

bad taste i know but...

who is the opposite of christopher reeves????

christopher walken

Kids look at things differently than adults. This is fun!

This is why we love children!

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out...
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

It Makes Sense

It's a slow day in a dusty little Australian town. The sun is beating down and the streets are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day, a rich tourist from down south is driving through town , stops at the local motel
and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend
the night in.

He gives him keys to a few rooms and as soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the $100 bill
and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his drinks bill at the local pub.

The publican slips the money along to the local pr0stitute drinking at the bar , who has also been facing hard
times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The h00ker rushes to the motel and pays off her room bill to the motel owner with the $100.

The motel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory,
pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Australian Government's stimulus package works!!!

Have you heard about the man who owned a parrot that swore like a sailor? This parrot was so terrible, it could swear for five minutes straight without repeating itself. One day the man finally got tired of this parrot's horrible speech, and decided to do something about it.

He grabbed the parrot by the throat, shaked it really hard, and yelled, "QUIT IT!" every time the parrot said something ungodly. But this just made the parrot mad, and it swore more than ever.

Next the man tried locking the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravated the parrot, and it clawed and scratched furiously until the man finally let him out (upon which the bird released it's fury in a torrent of language so horrible it could never be repeated).

At that point, the man was so frustrated that he threw the parrot into the freezer. For the first few seconds the parrot made a terrible amount of noise in protest to this treatment, kicking, clawing, and thrashing about. But after a few moments it suddenly went very quiet.

As the silence grew longer the man started to think that the parrot may be hurt. After a couple minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened up the freezer door. The parrot calmly climbed onto the man's outstretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

Of course, the man was astounded. He could not understand the transformation that had come over his unruly parrot. Then the parrot asked, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'
She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.

This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS


Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
Family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
Intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
Cause I still have mine.'

___________________________________________

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
Then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,
Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife
At all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really
Good with the kids.'

___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
Been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
That were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

___________________________________________

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll
Take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

___________________________________________

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and
Asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in
Surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'
!

___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
Of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
Advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap
Of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
Even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's
There.'

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting
Their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in
His son's medicine cabinet, he asked
About using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad;
they're very strong
And very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," Answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to
Try one, and before we leave in the
Morning, I'll put the money
Under the pillow.."

Later the next morning, the son found
$110 under the pillow. He called
Grandpa and said, "I told
You each pill was
$10, not $110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The
Hundred is from
Grandma!"

Bob the chicken!

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob.....'

Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St.. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Bob.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....

'BOB, wake up. You shit the bed!'

An old man and woman were married for many years and they grew to hate each other.

When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!' Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared.. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow..

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'

The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down.......'

Bloody women they think of everything!!!!

The following is not very funny, I know - but it's a true story!

There once was an eater of Nitrate
Whose growth was way below the right rate
Transplanted to AP,
It grew very happy
I said, "See? Never give up the fight, mate!"

Rick

Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie rules and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood.

He's signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season.

Two weeks later the magpies are down by 6 goals to Carlton with only 10
minutes left.

The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - kicks 7 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the magpies!

The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media
are in love with the new star.

When the player comes off the ground he phones his mum to tell her about his first day of AFL.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 6
goals down, but I kicked 7 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans,
the media...

'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got
shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and
beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were
having such great time.'



The young Iraqi is very upset.



'What can I say mum, I'm so sorry.'



'Sorry ? You're sorry?' says his mum, 'It's your fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place!'

Hhaahahah... being a NON Collingwood fan.... I love it...