Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

One for the Engineers and Managers

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says, “Yes, You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. Latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude”.

“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below says, “You must be a manager.”

“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man below, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going, You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

So a civil engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a electrical engineer were sitting and discussing how amazing the design of the human body is and how God must be one heck of an engineer....
The mechanical engineer explains given the complexity of the human skeleton and how it interacts with the muscles to make movement possible, God HAS to be a mechanical engineer.
The electrical engineer disagrees and states that based on the complexity of the nervous system the controls everything in the body God HAS to be an electrical engineer.
The civil engineer just shakes his head and says, “nope you’re both wrong, Gods a civil engineer…”
The other two looked at the civil confused and ask “How do you figure that?”
Civil engineer responds” Because only a civil engineer would put a waste line through a recreational area…”

Why men have dogs instead of wives....

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.



And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

The Moral of Auntie Sharon

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.'

'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'

'Very good,' said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.'

'That was a fine story Sarah.'

Michael, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'

'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'

'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'

Love your work Nocky

Dear People of Australia ,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the
Economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put
Workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme
Will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible
For the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be
RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government
Deems appropriate.

Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not
Be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government..

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government
Has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should
You feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the
Attention of your local MP. They have been trained to give you all the
SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

Kevin Rudd
Canberra

Please be careful. I don't know how many of you shop at Bunnings, but this may be useful to know. I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you. The victims are always males, so ladies, please pass this information along to your husbands and male friends.

Here's how the scam works...

Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another store. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, yesterday, and most likely again tomorrow.

Scam me too!

You are going to get yourself into serious trouble one day Nocky

And you tell me you are actually working Nocky. And there is more.....for all the people that don't realize that the nearest Bunnings store to Narrogin is about 2 hours away!!

So if he's driving from one Bunnings to another... where's the next nearest after that Rick?

lucky for nocky its ony about a half hr so he can be scamed again on the way home if hes feeling up to it

Cheers
pete

Time to stop the wishful thinking.

This really 'aint a joke at all.

What is a Billion?

　How many zeros in a billion???

This is too true to be funny...

The next time you hear a politician use the
word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
but one advertising agency did a good job of
putting that figure into some perspective in
one of it's releases.

A.. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government is spending it.

That's a billion.

So what is a trillion then? (apologies to those who have already seen this classic!)


http://www.pagetutor.com/trillion/index.html







Scott

Went to 2 Bunnings on the weekend and still have wallet suppose it would work better if you didn't take the missus

As for the billion, it takes on average 15-25 years (@ 50k a year = 20 years) to earn a million, so times that by 1000 and yes it's a lot of money