Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this damn house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the
light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD
for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would
STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!!
BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF
GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE
ENTIRE HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What was the question?

Hi Jaymie, bad hair day huh!

You go girl

Hangover Jaymie? LOL

Here is a few jokes to go with the Canadian Heritage. Though some apply well to aussies as well.

Beer Troubleshooting

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.[U][B]

The Fly In The Beer

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They each proceeded to buy a pint of Labatt's Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their tasty beverages, a fly landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened.

The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling:

"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

LOL...those were good beer drinking jokes!

Excellent LOL

Ok, here's a beer one I got yesterday. It's not very classy I must say.. but you guys might like it...


>>>>>CLICK AT BOTTOM TO SEE DEMO
>>>
>>>>>Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local
>>>>>pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any
>>>>>woman.
>>>>>Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."
>>>>>
>>>>>The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It
>>>>>comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer
>>>>>is used
>>>>>by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their
>>>>>male
>>>>>victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to
>>>>>get a guy
>>>>>to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for
>>>>>no
>>>>>strings attached sex.
>>>>>
>>>>>Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several
>>>>>beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with
>>>>>horrific
>>>>>looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After
>>>>>drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of
>>>>>exactly what
>>>>>happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
>>>>>feeling that
>>>>>"something bad" occurred.
>>>>>
>>>>>At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their
>>>>>life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In
>>>>>extreme
>>>>>cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the
>>>>>unsuspecting
>>>>>male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment
>>>>>referred to as
>>>>>"marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after
>>>>>beer is
>>>>>administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
>>>>>
>>>>>Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall
>>>>>victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there
>>>>>are
>>>>>male support groups where you can discuss the details of your
>>>>>shocking
>>>>>encounter with similarly victimized men.
>>>>>For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses"
>>>>>in the phone book.
>>>>>
>>>>>For a video to see how beer works click here:
>>>>>
>>>>>Beer Demo <http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf>

Ever Wondered Where Smiley's Came From?

aw that's terrible MF!

OK..is this better?

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nah, I don't do hangovers (no chance of that!), I just do two pre-schoolers!

Has anyone read the book Alcorobics?
http://www.theblurb.com.au/Issue34/Alcorobics.htm

"Based on ancient Sumerian philosophy, and refined for the 21st century by fitness guru, the Reverend Andrew Masterson, Alcorobics™ is the perfect system for all men and women who would desperately like to look trim, taut and terrific, but don't like visiting gyms for the very sound reason that such places rarely if ever serve booze.