Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

You know what happens when you play a Country & Western album backwards?

1) Your old ute starts
2) Your dog comes back to life
&
3) Your partner stops sleeping around

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.

Be sure to read the comments of flight attendants and crew…
The ‘little old lady’ is a classic...!!


Check out their new livery!






WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOR

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg ..
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
Lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
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On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you sit where you want) . Passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

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On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

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On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

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"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

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"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted."

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From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

---o0o---

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, "Nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

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"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

---o0o---

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

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And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

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On Kulula flight 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town, the Flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's' fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's' fault. It was the asphalt."

---o0o---

On a Kulula flight into Cape Town on a particularly windy and bumpy day, during the final approach the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

---o0o---

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

---o0o---

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

---o0o---

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

---o0o---

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

---o0o---

Heard on a Kulula flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke ‘em.

Absolute Gold

classic

Yep. That's the good stuff.
*grin*

Well it was my birthday the other day, and my lesbian neighbours asked me what I would like.
A couple of days later they proudly presented me with a lovely gold Rolex.

I think they missunderstood my answer.

just one, I would have thought you would have asked two watch...

** Wanna**

I NO COME WOK TODAY


Hung Chow calls his work and says, Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.


The boss says, You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.


Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. I do what you say and I feel Great. I be at wok soon. Hey you got nice house.

The kids have all their little SMS codes...like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for theseniors:


ATD - At the Doctor's



BFF - Best Friends Funeral



BTW - Bring the Wheelchair



CBM - Covered by Medicare



CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center



DWI - Driving While Incontinent



FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers



FWIW - Forgot Where I Was



FYI - Found Your Insulin



GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low



GHA - Got Heartburn Again



HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement



IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?



LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner



OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas



ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!



TTYL - Talk to You Louder



WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?



WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again



WTP - Where's the Prunes



WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kickin in!

Love it!

i will apologise in advance................................





After a visit to the whore house,

a man notices green lumps on his willy,
So he goes to the doctors.
"That's serious" says the doctor.
"You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?"

"Yes" says the man seriously..


"Well" says the doctor "You've got brothel sprouts."