Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

did you see yesterdays news ?
worst air disaster in Irish history
a 6 seater cessna in Ireland crashed into a cemetary...

Irish paramedics have recovered 285 bodies and are still discovering more

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't
seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon
ball, but I'm fine now.'

Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to
your hand?'

Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into
a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really.'

Bartender 'What about that eye patch?'

Pirate, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of sea-gulls flew
over. I looked up,,, and one of them shit in my eye.'

You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an eye just from
bird shit?'

Pirate, 'It was my first day with the hook.'

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh.
Remember t his is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,

A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.


'REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM'

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray,
twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out.
She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults,
and to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a brick wall"

Paddy walks into a new bar and orders 3 drinks, he sits down at a table and proceeds to take a mouthful out of each pot until they are all empty.
20 mins later he walks up to the bar and does the same.
The owner of the pub asks Paddy why he asks for 3 beers then sits down and slowley drinks the beers as if he only ordered one it would stay fresher.
Paddy explains his brothers have both moved away, Mick to Australia and John to England and before they both left they made a pact to always order a beer for each one and drink them as if they were there to remember how strong a family they have.
The owner of the pub thinks this is a very honourable thing and shout Paddy the next three drinks.
This goes on for a few months before one evening Paddy comes in and orders only two beers.
The owners pours the drinks, walks them over to the table and said to Paddy "I'm sorry for your loss".

"What do you mean" said Paddy with a strange look on his face.

"Well you have only ordered two beers so I figured one of your brothers must of passed" replied the owner.

"No you idjit" replied Paddy....."I've given up drinking"

Christmas Rum Cake

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs

* Nuts
* 2 bottles of Rum
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the rum to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the rum
again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large
fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's
best to make sure the rum is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck
in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt.
Or something. Check the rum. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can
find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the
window. Finish the rum and wipe counter with the cat.
Go to Coles and buy cake.

Bingle Jells!

Hahaha... looks like the Liberals broadband plan....

Biker Chilli


A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'

The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.

The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.

eeeeewwwww

ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN

PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS



AND THIS





Subject: EuroEnglish


Thought that you would enjoy this!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language
is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to
ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
And zen ve vil take over ze vorld!!!

I just got off the phone with a friend in Alaska. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

things you'll never hear an american say....

like....
dang them aussies done invaded another country...think we should jump in an help?
or....
boy this fosters beer really does taste like crap.
or....
margret thatcher came to me in a dream last night, and boy she was really hot!
or....

I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us,
And she immediately dropped to her knees,
And laid on the grass at my feet.

As we lay there making love, I thought.....


"These Taser guns are well worth the money."