Backyard Aquaponics
A place to discuss aquaponics

VIRUS Alert!!!!!!!!!!!!

> There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called: Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
>
> This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolation-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it, the next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
>
> Forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. This virus is DEADLY (Destroys-Every-Available-Decent-Living-Youngster).
> Update 20-05-05:
> After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application.

Poor little Johnny again...............

"Class, today's assignment is to spell and use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence."
"Jane, you go first..."
"Dough, D O U G H,
Italians make pizza with dough."

Very good, Jane... now let's hear from Mary.
"Dough, D O U G H,
My brother makes things with play dough."

"Yes, Johnny, do you have something to add?"
"My mom says my dad doesn't make enough dough, and he's so bad in bed she uses a dill dough."

Why we should not flirt

A couple were invited to a sw.anky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early,decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was,
she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight , she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?'

He replied, 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete , Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.'

'You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied,

'Actually, I gave my costume to my Dad

.... apparently he had the time of his life.

How fast are you?
How fast can you guess these words?




1. BOO_S

2. _ _ NDOM

3. P_N_S

4. F_ _ K

5. PU_S_

6. S_X







Scroll down for answers.













1. BOOKS
2. RANDOM
3. PANTS
4. FORK
5. PULSE
6. SIX



sooo...... how many did you get right??

lol i got those all wrong

Interestingly I got 2 right, and had to think hard about pulse as to waht ppl could mistake it for. Being the first one, it never occured to me that books may not be what some ppl thought.

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

Looks of Disappointment

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute..' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'

She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'

The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'

Mmmmmm.....

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals
after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really
didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man,
'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

Ive got a thing about clams. all they do all day long is sit on a rock and wait for food to come to them..... they're just so shellfish!

Letter to Men's Helpline:-

Hey Mate, really need your advice for a serious problem:

I have suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating.
The usual signs; Phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up, going out
with the girls a lot.
I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I
usually fall asleep.


Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat, when
she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then
she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on... It was at
that moment crouched behind the boat I noticed... a "hairline crack" in
the outboard mounting bracket...



Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?

COLLINGWOOD

A family of Collingwood supporters heads out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting.
...While in a sports store the 12 year old son picks up a Carlton footy jumper and says to his 14 year old sister, "Hey mole, I've decided to become a Carlton supporter and I'm taking this for Christmas".

His outraged sister promptly whacks him around the head with her carton of Winfield's and says, "Dickhead, go talk to mum".
Off goes the little lad with the Carlton jumper stuffed up his black and white singlet and finds his mum.

"Mum?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Carlton supporter and I'm taking this jumper for Christmas". and shows her the jumper stuffed up his singlet.

The mother is wide eyed with rage at this and throws her moccasins and her full stubbie of VB at him, smacks him in the gob and says,
"We'll see about that, Let's go talk to your father!"

Off they go to the prison camp during visiting hours, with Carlton footy jumper in hand and find Goose, his toothless head to feet tattooed father.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Knackers?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Carlton supporter and I want this jumper for Christmas".

Toothless Goose goes berserk and gives his son a swift backhander and says,
"No b*st*rd of mine is ever going to be seen wearing that sh.t !",
then kicks his arse just for good measure.
About half an hour later they're all back in the old Toyota ute heading home. The mother turns to her son and says,
"Knackers, have you learned something today?"

The son says "Bloody oath I have!"

"Good Knackers, what is it?"

The son replies,
"I've only been a Carlton supporter for a day, and already I hate you Collingwood pricks!"